Guidelines to propose a girlfriend
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride's family to
announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should
include: a photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is
acceptable); name of the groom, education completed by both bride and
groom (DO NOT include elementary school, unless that was the terminal
degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony
(If living with the bride's parents, it is NOT necessary to specify
where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are
expecting a lot of free stuff, you MUST send out invitations! They do
not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch ___ and
___ make it legal on _____." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to
be so formal you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you
ain't doing nothin' on ____ why don't you stop by my house for a cold
one about 2 o'clock. Me and ___'s having some friends over to watch the
ball game and witness our wedding."
Proper Attire:
For the bride, the key words are "be
conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding
outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and
dips also are frowned upon. This is NOT the occasion to show the world
how big "THEY" are.
For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute couture,
but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying
home, consider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearance. And
though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
The Ceremony:
No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons
have no place at the altar. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If
anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy
matrimony...", tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames
sometimes die hard and talk too much. As the ceremony is concluded, you
and ___ should realize that a short kiss will do. This is neither the
time nor the place to demonstrate your sexual expertise to the world.
That's why the video camera was invented.
Reception:
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and
avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to
ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all, the
cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full
tune-up for the car.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no
matter how hot it is!!
Common Wedding Questions And Answers:
Is it all right to bring a
date to the wedding?
Not if you are the groom.
How many showers is
the bride supposed to have?
At least one within a week of the
wedding.
What music is recommended
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